


Intimacy

by pasteloblivion



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Fluff, Forgiveness, Happy Ending, M/M, i wrote this in one day, marvin apologizes, please enjoy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-13 21:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16900386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pasteloblivion/pseuds/pasteloblivion
Summary: Shortly after the events of the baseball game, Marvin and Whizzer have an honest chat.





	Intimacy

By the time Marvin stands at Whizzer’s door, twenty minutes late and empty-handed, he’s convinced that bad luck is real. It’s the night of their first date since their reunion at Jason’s baseball game, and seemingly nothing has gone right. In the past hour alone, he managed to pick out the worst tie in his wardrobe, tear a hole in his suit while bending to retrieve his keys, get stuck in traffic on the way there, and even found himself tripping on a shoelace as he ascended the stairs to the apartment. As he stands wordlessly in the hallway, one hand clenched into a shaking fist, he becomes aware of yet another problem: fear.

He knows it’s stupid, but he’s desperate for everything to go wonderfully tonight. After two years of living in a state of loneliness, of constantly mulling over what could’ve sparked between the two if he were a better man, he’s been given the opportunity to make up for his wrongdoings. Though he was once willing to let their relationship crumble into nothing more than ashes and dust, Marvin is now aware of just how much Whizzer Brown means to him. Hours upon hours of sleep have been lost to his regrets; empty sheets and unused pillows remind him of a time where they slept in the same bed, limbs entangled and hearts beating as one. He craves the quiet Sunday mornings they once shared, the impulsive date nights and laughter which filled their home. He knows that rocky moments are bound to be stumbled upon, even if he’s changed for the better, but for the sake of falling in love again with someone like Whizzer, he’d go through hell and back. Tonight, he has the chance to remember what such passion feels like, and he absolutely needs it to go well. 

He soon finds the courage to knock once, twice, three times. The sound echoes throughout the desolate hallway, rhythmic and distinct as it breaks silence. A few seconds pass, then a few more. Nothing happens. By the time a lengthy minute or two ticks by, the door remains still as ever. Marvin’s breathing becomes far more panicked, filling the quiet space with exhales that outweigh his inhales. He knocks again. God, what if Whizzer stands him up? What if he thinks that Marvin is still an insensitive prick and simply doesn’t answer the door? What if their heartfelt conversation at Jason’s baseball game was just a ploy, a cheap joke in which Marvin was the punchline?

As Marvin ponders the likelihood of these cruel fates, the outside world fades into nothing more than closed eyes and the sound of his thoughts. He fails to notice the soft click of the lock, the deep breath as the man on the other side of the door braces himself for the night ahead. He’s unaware of the rusty, squeaking hinges as the door opens. It isn’t until he hears an unmistakable sound, the laugh of the man he’s missed for what feels centuries, that he realizes he’s no longer alone. Mortified by his own idiocy, Marvin’s eyes snap open. 

“God, I-- uh, hello…” he starts, mentally slapping himself. 

He bites his lip as Whizzer shifts in the door frame, giving the taller man a once-over. Shockingly, his appearance hasn’t changed a bit. He’s as beautiful as ever, his lithe frame and toned muscles still prominent. Marvin has to restrain himself from staring below the waist. 

Whizzer offers a toothless smile. “Nervous, Marv?”

“Maybe a little.”

“I promise you, there’s nothing to worry about,” Whizzer says, pocketing his keys and locking the door behind him. His gaze then falls upon Marvin’s tie, and he grimaces as his fingers graze the red fabric. “Except that. Christ, you still own this?”

He frowns. “In hindsight, I probably should’ve known better than to choose my own outfit.”

They share a genuine laugh, and Marvin feels his heart soar. 

\---

“So, where are you taking me?” Whizzer queries, one hand placed gently on Marvin’s upper thigh as he drives. The car races down a variety of crowded New York streets, cold air tinting both men’s cheeks pink. The gesture is all too familiar, like Marvin has suddenly been sent back in time.

He shrugs, eyes locked on the road. After the past several minutes of small talk with Whizzer, he’s finally managed to rid himself of the anxious feeling. The familiarity of the situation is oddly calming. “Patience, Whizzer. You’ll see.”

“Cryptic phrases like ‘you’ll see’ kinda make me feel like you’re gonna kill me, Marv.”

Marvin plays along, instantly recognizing the amused tone in Whizzer’s voice. That’s another thing he’s missed: their casual conversations. “Homicide isn’t on the schedule, but I will say that there’s food involved.”

“Oh, thank fuck. You’re a lifesaver, Marv! I was so busy at work today, I didn’t have time to eat,” Whizzer reveals. From the corner of his eye, Marvin watches him. The street lights illuminate his face, giving the taller man an angelic appearance. 

“You still working as a photographer?”

Whizzer produces a hesitant laugh. “Actually, I’m a model now. Still working for the same company, but… higher pay, I guess. And more straight women staring at me than ever before.”

“That’s great, Whiz. Ignoring the part about lustful women, I’m extremely happy for you! I hope the job is everything you’ve wanted.”

“Really?” the passenger asks, his features suddenly contorting as though he hadn’t meant to ask that question out loud.

“What, should I not be?”

“No, no, it’s not that. It’s just,” Whizzer pauses, sighing. “I don’t know how to put this into words without seeming like a huge jackass.”

“By all means, go ahead. We both know I deserve it, considering what I’ve put you through.”

“That’s the thing, though. You haven’t put me through anything, at least not tonight. Two years ago, you could hardly look at me without feeling the need to prove yourself.”

Marvin’s grip instinctively tightens on the steering wheel. He hates thinking about what an atrocious person he once was, how he constantly invalidated those around him in order to feel like more of a man. 

His ex-lover continues. “But now, you’re different. You seem softer. When you asked me on a date at Jason’s game, I don’t know what I was expecting. I knew something had changed, but there was small a part of me that was convinced you’d still be…”

“Whizzer, I--”

A finger is pressed gently to his lips, then reaches for his shoulder. Whizzer’s voice is quiet. “Shh. Don’t say anything. The night is young, and I’d rather not have such an intimate conversation in a run-down car. For now, let’s just drive, alright? Enjoy each other’s company.”

In spite of himself, Marvin has a hard time saying no to people like Whizzer Brown. So instead, he complies. The pair sits in silence for the remainder of the drive. A love song plays faintly from the radio, and Marvin swears he can hear Whizzer humming along. 

\---

When they reach their destination, the somber mood has only somewhat dissipated. 

“Well, we’re here,” Marvin says, breaking the silence. He opens the passenger door, offering Whizzer his hand. “Sorry for the long drive.”

“It’s no problem, Marv.” Marvin’s shoulders sink in relief as Whizzer interlocks their fingers, not letting go even after he’s out of the vehicle. “I’ve missed being around you, y’know.”

“I’ve missed you, too. I have to admit, it’s still weird to sleep in an empty apartment.”

They strut through the parking lot, moonlight cascading through trees. It’s a quiet night, and the apartment complex has gone almost entirely still. From what Marvin can see, only one neighbor still has their lights on, meaning that most have already fallen asleep.

“Is that where we are, then? Your new apartment building?”

Marvin nods. “Yeah. I moved out of Trina’s place shortly after you did, actually. Cleared my head, finally decided to make a change for the better.”

The small talk continues as they enter the apartment building, Marvin fumbling for his keys. After an embarrassing amount of time, it’s ultimately Whizzer who finds them. He reaches into Marvin’s back pocket, his hand lingering there for a moment or so.

Only Whizzer could make Marvin feel so flustered in such a harmless moment. 

“How’s Jason?” Whizzer asks, a soft look on his face as he mentions the thirteen-year-old. 

Marvin still hasn’t managed to comprehend the strength of the bond between his son and ex-lover. He hadn’t expected Jason to seek out a father figure in the man who Marvin ended his marriage for. But surprisingly, he’s unbothered. It’s wonderful to see that Jason has connected with something other than a chess board.

“I see him every weekend. Take him to baseball practice, get ice cream with him, see movies, visit the mall, you get the gist of it. God, I’m so proud of him, Whiz. He’s gotten so smart.”

A fond smile reaches Whizzer’s lips. He arches his back directly against the front door, implying that he doesn’t plan on moving until this discussion is over. “And how about Trina?”

“She and Mendel and doing well, I suppose. We’re still not on the greatest of terms, after everything that’s happened, but we’ve resolved everything that we could, I suppose. We try to be friends, and some days are certainly better than others.”

“That’s great, dear. Now, how are you doing?” Whizzer asks.

Marvin quirks an eyebrow. “You want to know about me?”

“Yes, you!”

For a moment, Marvin comes close to outright refusing. It’s a tough habit to kick, toxic masculinity. Even now, two years after making the conscious decision to become a good person, he still has moments like this. Moments where his imperfections shine through, where he’d rather sink into the earth than talk about his feelings.

But he doesn’t let that happen. Instead, he braces himself for the words to come.

“I’ve missed you, Whizzer. So much. And while I’ve done my best to fix every mistake I’ve made over the years, the only situation that I haven’t found the courage to do so with is you. I feel as though I don’t deserve your forgiveness, and yet every day without you is a day wasted. Even if it’s just as friends, I’m starting to believe that I need you in my life.”

Whizzer slowly takes his hand, a watery smile on his face. “I want you to know that I’m really proud of you, Marvin. I forgive you. I know that our date technically hasn’t even started yet, but of all the times I’ve spoken with you, not once have you been as open as you are now. It’s like you’re a new person-- no, a new you. Emotional vulnerability looks good on you.”

He thinks about that for a moment, resisting the urge to scoff at the final remark. It’s an odd situation, to say the least. He’s standing in the hallway of his apartment, discussing the massive feelings that have plagued him for two long years with the love of his life. Eventually, more words flow out of him.

“That means a lot coming from you, Whiz. I know that I’ve hurt you. Hell, I’ve hurt everyone I love. And I’m sorry for that. Sure, everyone has their faults, but mine ran a little too deep for comfort. I guess I couldn’t handle that, so… I lashed out. On you, our relationship, on everyone except myself.”

He trails off, pausing to analyze the expression on the taller man’s face. It’s an odd combination, something along the lines of joy, sadness, and perhaps even pride. Marvin doesn’t know what to make of it, but decides to continue.

“Before I knew it, I had pushed you so far away, there was no chance of saving our relationship. So instead, I made you leave. And God, I regret that every single day. I know that you’re by no means perfect, but you deserved so much better than what I gave you at the time. I’m… so sorry, Whiz.”

Marvin takes a breath, pretending that he doesn’t notice how close Whizzer is getting. He convinced that he must be imagining it; there’s no way that the taller man would--

His thoughts are cut off by Whizzer’s lips against his own. Contrary to popular belief, the kiss doesn’t invoke fireworks in his brain, nor butterflies in his stomach. Instead, it feels like home. The familiarity spreads throughout body, reaching his fingertips, his cheeks, his chest. It’s a beautiful feeling, filling him with warmth.

And sure, though their healing process is far from done, there’s something to be said about the concept of rekindling with a loved one. He feels whole. And for one moment, Marvin believes with every ounce of his being that life can be wonderful.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading! i wrote this entire fic in one day, so feedback of any kind is both noticed and greatly appreciated :-)  
> (also,, writing marvin's apologies was so goddamn emotional lmao)


End file.
